Linking up with Lisa-Jo Baker and the gang for Five Minute Friday, where we write like crazy for five minutes on the same one-word prompt. And here we go…
I’ve spent so many years waiting for things to be just right.
For the kitchen to be spotless so I can try some new recipes.
For my house to be clean and neat so I can sit down and read, or play games with my kids.
For my focus to materialize so that I can…well, focus. And maybe get something done.
For change to happen within and make me the kind of person I imagine I am or wish I was.
I’ve found myself waiting over and over again for the situation to be perfect, and I’ve finally admitted that is just not going to happen. It’s not going to happen with me either – I’m never going to be perfect.
I’ve spent far too much of my life waiting for things to be different, so that God can use me best. Or so I think.
But what if God wants me in spite of? What if He can use me best by not smoothing over the rough places?
There is such freedom in admitting that I’m a mess. Yes, I am. My name is Kim, and I am a mess. My brain and my body are all over the place. I can rarely focus on one thing at a time. My kids are not well behaved. Our family schedule is jam packed. My body is falling apart, from what my physician tells me, and my house is a wreck because we’re in the middle of a move. It’s the end of the school year and I’m sick to death of signing agendas and reading logs. A mess.
But God… Are those not two of the most beautiful words in the English language? But God shows up and reminds me that He is here in the middle of my mess. A verse of scripture, a song on the radio, a word from a friend – all these are reminders that He is here. And I may as well face it: I feel my need for God more when life is out of control. It’s when things are going well that I tend to forget I’m not in charge. The mess swirling around me reassures me that I don’t have to have it all together because God does.
And I don’t have to wait until my heart, my home, or my situation is all cleaned up to be used by Him. I don’t have to be perfect, just willing. He wants me right where I am, right now, mess and all.