Behind the Scenes: Long-Distance Relationship

This is me with my sister-friend Pam.   Isn’t she pretty?  We were on vacation together with our families summer before last, in Cape San Blas, Florida.  It’s beautiful and remote, and I very much want to go there again sometime. Preferably with Pam.  🙂

I think I can safely say that my friendship with Pam holds the record for my longest friendship, if you consider how long we’ve remained in continuous contact and not just how long we’ve known each other.  I met her when she was barely pregnant with her lovely daughter Brittany, who is now 16.  We went to church together, shared life in a small group and loved each other through some of the hardest times either of us has ever seen.  We’ve celebrated together, laughed and cried together, vacationed together, mourned together.  She is a part of some of my most favorite memories.

See that camera strap around Pam’s neck?   That’s because she is an amazingly talented photographer, and normally she and I are both on the other side of the camera.  We were laughing in this picture because we had just been talking about how we never get pictures taken of ourselves, so I turned my camera around and took this shot.  I love it because you can see on our faces the joy we felt in being together, and how natural we feel around each other.

I love her because she knows me and my story so well that we don’t have to waste time with background information.  If I’m having a rough day I can call her and launch right into a laundry list of complaints, and she will listen, ask appropriate questions, and verbally “hold my hand”.  She’s always on my side, and she always has my back.

The reason I say I have to call her is because she lives in another state.  Pam was one of the losses I had to grieve when we moved from TN to SC seven years ago.  Yet through the magic of the internet and cell phones, we can stay in touch as often as we find the time.  We don’t have as much time to connect as we’d like due to things like jobs and kids, but when we do connect it’s like no time has passed.   There is just something about those friendships where you can finish each other’s sentences, where you have a language all your own that would just require so many words to explain to someone else.  But Pam already knows what I’m thinking without my even having to say it.

She knows me, the good and the bad, and she loves me just the same.  And I hope she knows just how much I love her.

Today I’m linking up with the crowd over at Behind the Scenes:  http://www.crystalstine.me.  We get together on Tuesday and tell the stories Behind the Scenes of our Pinterest-worthy photos.  Come play with us!

Day 14: I Can Has Cheezburger?

There are days I go to my computer to sit down and write some wise and witty post, and I get distracted by a cute kitty picture, like this one:

(Photo credit:  http://icanhas.cheezburger.com/lolcats?ref=footernav)

And then I think, “I’ll bet there’s more where that came from.”  And I’m soooo right.  Two hours later I look up from Lolcats (because I’m a cat person, of course) and the only things I have to show for my time are the tears on my cheeks from laughing so hard and the pleasant tingle of laugh-muscles that have had a good workout.  So at least there’s that.

Meanwhile the post doesn’t get written.  Again.  Sigh.

Day 13: Safety Patrol

If you’ve read this blog for any length of time at all, you know that my youngest daughter is a gymnast.  She is truly in love with the sport, and she’s turned our home into a pseudo-practice gym for all the days that she is not already practicing.

She uses the chaise part of our sectional as a vault table, the trampoline for tumbling, and she has an actual practice beam that my husband built for her.  Lately she’s been begging for a practice bar but we are reluctant to shell out $400 for one and they really don’t seem all that safe.

Well.  She likes to practice her tumbling passes on the trampoline in the back yard (don’t panic – it’s enclosed by a net), and she likes for me to sit out there in a lawn chair and watch, because as we all know, if Mama didn’t see you do it, it didn’t really happen.  (this is true of many other situations, as I’m sure you know.)  Sometimes I actually sit on the patio swing.  Last week she happened to notice that the swing is attached to a frame that looks suspiciously like….a practice bar.

Suddenly the practice bars don’t look nearly as unsafe as THIS.  So she crushed up some sidewalk chalk to put on her hands and she set about practicing some of her moves on that “bar”.  In order for her to do this, however, she is required to have one of her parents (that’d be me) stand there with a foot on one of the crossbars to keep the whole thing from tipping over.  We’ve limited what she can do on it for safety reasons, and as with many other things, we know that she will get tired of it pretty soon. 

But yet again, I let it get in the way of my blogging because it’s hard to type a post while you’re holding down a swing frame so it won’t flip over and your budding gymnast won’t get splattered. 

Day 12: Laundry

 

Yep.  No other words are necessary.

I’m learning a lot from this 31 Days series.  I’ll share my conclusions at the end of the series but let’s just say that it’s showing me some things about myself that aren’t pretty.

Five Minute Friday/Day 11: Ordinary

Has it really only been a week since the last Five Minute Friday?  It seems like I’ve lived a lifetime in those seven days.  Anywho, it’s time to come together with my favorite group of brave-hearted writers to write on a one word prompt for five minutes and five minutes only.  No over thinking or editing, just the free flow of words from your heart to the page (or screen).  Want to play?  Check out http://www.lisajobaker.com for all the fine print.

START

I’m just an ordinary girl.  Nothing special about me, really.  I work part-time, I mother full-time, and in between I try to remember to hold onto my individuality.  I don’t have any amazing stories to tell about modern-day miracles in my life.  I don’t have a way with words that makes them leap off the page in a sparkly burst of verbal fireworks.  I just write about my colorless ordinary life on my plain ordinary blog.  Why would anyone want to read about it?  At least, that’s what I think sometimes.

But wait.  Something happens when I surrender my writing to God and stop trying to do it all myself.  He directs me toward certain topics and gives me the words to say.  He imbues my ordinary with His extraordinary.  He shines the light on all the little details of the day that I’ve overlooked.  He points out all the moments that reveal His presence beside me every step of the way and the near disasters He prevented from touching me.  He reminds me that NO mother is ordinary, because we are shaping the next generation.  He tells me that I am perfect just the way He’s made me, and that I’m not to be measuring myself against other flawed humans like myself.  He assures me that I’m not ordinary at all.  What I am is an extremely, amazingly, exceedingly blessed, loved and accepted child of God.

Day 10: Moving Details

I’m going to let you in on a little known secret:  my family is moving to another state.  My husband just accepted a position about 6 hours from here, and we will need to relocate.  Luckily the move itself isn’t happening until school is out for the summer, or the state I’d be in right now would be the state of panic.  My poor husband will be spending a lot of time in his car for the next few months though.

You might think that a move that is 8 months out shouldn’t cause much distraction for me, but you’d be wrong.  There are a myriad of details that need to be considered, like schools, neighborhoods, churches, and extracurriculars for the kids.  There are hours and hours of searching real estate online to do in order to see what we like and more importantly, can afford.  And I’ve got to set aside some time every day to worry that my kids (and their parents!) won’t be able to find new friends/no one will like them/their lives will be ruined, etc.  There is time to be spent lamenting the loss of the familiar while at the same time trying to accentuate the positives for the kids.  And can we just talk about how much stuff this family has accumulated that needs to be ruthlessly reduced?  No, let’s not.  Just the mere thought is exhausting.  I need a nap.

So, yeah, there’s much work to do.  Does it all have to be done right now?  Well, no.  We already know that the purchase of a home will need to wait until the spring.  The ruthless reduction of our possessions can be done in manageable bites between now and then.  Frankly, the whole idea of moving is just so overwhelming that I hardly know where to start.  I may just have to work through it by blogging about it.  Wait.  What just happened there?

Day 9: Planning Paralysis

I’m a big fan of planning.  I think it’s necessary to know where you’re going before you start.  Except for the times I’d rather just figure it out as I go.  There are many, many times that I fly by the seat of my pants, mostly due to impatience.  I mean, sometimes you have to stop dithering and start doing, right?  But planning is important.

Oh, who I am kidding?  You know where planning really fits in to my blogging life?  When I don’t want to actually sit down and write, that’s where.  I know I need to do a better job of planning my posts, writing in advance and scheduling them so I don’t find myself, oh, writing 31 days of posts day by day.  That sounds familiar.  In fact, I’ve already thought of a fantastic 31 Days topic for next year and part of my brain is telling me that I need to stop writing this post/series and get busy planning for next year.  I clearly have a serious lack of follow-through.

I have acquired some lovely tools to help me in crafting a vision and purpose for my blog and a path to get it there.  I have lots of colored pens to use in writing out blog ideas.  Sadly, what I find myself using them for is to delay the actual writing.  I will tell myself that as soon as I figure out my blog goals for the next year, then I will start writing them.  But I can’t start until I get all my plans all laid out.  That is one way to make sure that I don’t get anything done, because I’ll never get it exactly right.

Day 8: The Comparison Trap

So yesterday I blogged about the way reading other blogs interferes with actually writing on my own blog. Aside from the time factor, there’s another way it enables me to procrastinate, and that’s the way I sabotage myself by comparing myself with other writers.

If you’re a blogger, maybe you’ve done it too. You’ve read an amazing blog post (or three, or ten…) and instead of walking away inspired you find yourself shrinking inside like Alice through the looking glass. All of sudden your desire to write has shriveled into a miserable little ball of envy. I know that feeling. I see the “big” bloggers and how many followers they have, and I wonder if I’ll ever be good enough. I mean, some other writers have such an artful way of weaving words together, how could I ever hope to compete? She writes about family and she seems to have it all together, and I so do not. Her words are so inspiring, it’s like she has a direct line to God, and she’s so much more spiritual than I am. She understands and applies scripture so effectively. She’s written a book, and I’m not sure I have enough ideas to fill up a book much less the ability to write one. I’ve never had a post go viral. Her ideas are so unique! Why didn’t I think of that? No one is knocking on my door and asking me to write a guest post. Furthermore, look at her profile picture! She even looks put-together and beautiful and sweet and wise, all at the same time. And I am…none of those. Why should I even bother? I’m going to look so pitiful next to that! So I close my laptop and walk away.

This is a tough one. There are indeed many, many other bloggers out there who could be considered far more qualified to write than I am. But here’s the thing: there is NO ONE more qualified to tell MY story than ME. Yes, other writers can write quite knowledgeably about miscarriage, divorce, children with special needs, adoption, infertility, and being a working mother. But none of them can write about those life experiences (and so many others I’ve lived) from my unique perspective. And all the things God has done in my life – He has called me to write about those things, no one else. I may have one follower or I may have one thousand, but that shouldn’t affect how I write. I’m very grateful for everyone who follows this blog and for all the lovely comments I’ve had, but that’s not the way I’m supposed to measure my success. When I stand before God at the end of my life, He’s not going to pat me on the head because I had a huge online following and built a cool platform. He’s going to look at my record of obedience (or disobedience). Did I do what He called me to do? It’s my job to write what He tells me to write and leave the rest to Him. He has a plan for all of us and for some it means a big audience and for others, maybe a tiny audience. And I need to be OK with it either way.

A few days ago I actually had someone ask me how many Twitter followers and blog followers I had, like that’s what matters most in this whole blogging thing. To be honest, I didn’t know the answer. When did writing down the God-stories in our lives become a contest to see who can collect the most link-ups, comments, or retweets?

It’s difficult to swallow, this knowledge that I may never be a “bigger” blogger than I am right this minute. My human nature spurs me to try to be better and climb up the ladder of blogging success. Be more, do more, tweet more. In the end there is only One I write to please and He doesn’t care what my profile picture looks like, or how wise and spiritual I sound, or that I feel like a bad mother some days. He tells me that I AM ENOUGH just as I am, right now, and I am to keep on keeping on. I am enough and so are you.

This subject? This is the one I could write about over and over. It’s time to stop comparing. We are made for community, not comparison. (Thanks to Alia Joy for that little gem!) Comparison will poison community before it can even get started, because it’s hard to be a real friend to someone when you’re also trying to find a way to outdo her.

Whew! I’d better post this one before I start to preach! 🙂

Day 7: Reading Other Blogs

There is sooooo much bloggy goodness out there!  Have you SEEN all the nifty bloggers who are participating in 31 Days?  Nine categories of wonderful stuff!  I could spend days just reading and absorbing all the excellent content being presented in 31Days and elsewhere out there on the interwebs.  There are all kinds of big bloggers and small bloggers and every size in between, all of which have a lot to offer their readers.   Funny ones, inspiring ones, parenting ones, decorating ones, cooking and crafting ones, and so much more.  And sometimes they link to each other, so you start out reading Super Suzy’s blog, then she directs you to Awesome Amy’s blog, where you see a button for Cool Cathy’s blog…. Or you see a teaser on Twitter and you just have to find out what the rest of the blog post says, and you like that one so much that you start reading archived posts, and before you know it three hours have passed, your coffee has gone cold, you’ve missed lunch, and it’s time to pick the kids up from school.  I may or may not have done this before myself. 😉

The sad fact is that I can’t read everybody’s blog.  I just can’t.  My best option is to find the bloggers whose words cause me to examine myself, make me laugh, teach me something new, inspire me, and most of all point me to the Father, and use my time to read those.  But if I’m busy reading everyone else’s excellent words (see what I did there?), when do I have time to write some excellent ones of my own?  Balance is needed here and I’m really not sure where to find it.  Set a time limit?  A limit on the number of posts I read?  Use reading other blogs as a reward for working on my own?  I don’t know the answer but I know it’s a problem and I need to take a close look at the time I spend reading other blogs.

Day 6: Sabbath

Remember when Sunday was the day of rest?  When I was little (back in “ancient times”, as my daughter likes to say) the stores weren’t even open on Sundays.  There was no mall browsing, no grocery shopping, no gift buying on Sundays.  Sometimes I miss the days that you had to plan ahead for your Sunday dinner because you couldn’t hop out to the Bi-Lo if you forgot to buy potatoes for the home-smashed potatoes.  My family would get up and have breakfast, dress in our Sunday best, go to Sunday School and then church, come home and have a nice dinner (OK, so my mother didn’t get to rest the whole day) and then….nothing much.  Well, unless we went to Training Union and Sunday night church later.  (Can I see a show of hands from those who not only know what Training Union is but actually attended it at least once?)

So while I’d like to say I procrastinate about my writing because I am honoring the Sabbath on Sundays and that takes away 1/7 of the days I have available to write, the truth is that we are doing so many other things on the Sabbath that I just don’t have time.  We fill up our weeks with so many activities that we spend Saturday and Sunday doing all the other things (usually housework) we don’t get to throughout the week.  Maybe if we did honor the Sabbath, I’d be able to take a few minutes to at least scribble down some thoughts in a notebook.