Day 20: Fear of Success

This is the fraternal twin to Fear of Failure.  As Butch Jones, the University of Tennessee football coach, said recently, “Our players understand that the more you win, the more is at stake.”

Fear of success can keep me from doing my best because what if my blog starts getting attention?  What if one of my posts goes viral?  Then people might start sharing it and posting comments, and there might be some less-than-positive ones in there that might hurt my feelings.

What if people start subscribing to my blog because they saw my one really good post, the one that was my first and only home run, and now they expect that kind of quality content all the time?  And what if I can’t deliver and they leave me?  What if I can’t hit any more home runs and I just strike out all the time?  Oh, the pressure!

Or what if I write something really good and it’s kind of a fluke, and people start coming to my blog expecting to see good stuff all the time, and all they find is my old mediocre stuff?  What if they decide I’m a one-hit wonder, or worse, a fraud?  You write one good book and they expect you to always write best sellers.

Or what if I got all popular and people expected me to be a model Christian?  Nobody is perfect and I’m bound to screw up in some epic way and go down in flames.  Then what?  I’ve given Christianity a bad name by putting myself out there as a believer!

What if I was a “bigger” blogger and then I felt like I had to compete with some other well-known bloggers?  Because I’m kind of afraid I would.  Be competitive, that is.

What if people started following my blog?  They might actually expect me to write on a regular basis.  Then I wouldn’t be able to be lazy and do what I want when I want.  I might actually have to have some self-discipline.  And that’s no fun.

Maybe it’s just better to stay a “smaller” blogger, where I can fly under the radar and avoid disappointing my readers.  It’s a whole lot less pressure, and I don’t have to hold myself to such a high standard that I’m destined to fail.

You know, some days I think it might be nice to be popular and well known, but then there’s all that pressure to produce.  Well, I’m assuming the pressure is there because I think it would be for me.  Then I catch myself not daring to use a particular turn of phrase or write on a certain subject because it’s a little different and a little controversial, and so I’m both scared to fail and scared to succeed.

Yeah, I know there’s something a little weird about me.  It’s OK – I’ll own it.  🙂

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One thought on “Day 20: Fear of Success

  1. Pingback: 31 Days of Procrastination | One Rebel Heart

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