I’m not good at waiting. Period. I know this about myself and I’m trying to improve, but it’s taking so long!
Actually, I should amend my first statement: I’m not good at waiting for things I WANT. I’m excellent at putting things off. If procrastination was an Olympic sport, I’d be the gold medalist. That’s if I could get myself to the venue on time.
I think my gift for procrastination is directly tied to the frustrated perfectionist living inside me. She doesn’t want to do anything unless she can do it perfectly. No “good enough” for that girl! My inner frustrated perfectionist (let’s call her FP) envisions a Martha Stewart world where the house is beautifully decorated (and clean!), a gourmet dinner simmers deliciously on the stove, and my children are behaving like little angels. The reality is… well, let’s just say it’s nothing like that. We are real people around here, and real people are messy. And real people are REAL messy! (Yes, I know it should be “really” messy, but just go with me here)
That frustrated perfectionist has held me back from countless blessings, I’m just sure. I feel the desire to do something (blog, perhaps) and I just can’t let myself do it until things are “just so”. That’s one really BIG reason that this blog is mainly made up of Five Minute Friday posts – because I’m waiting for everything to be just right, and it’s not going to happen. My blog is not going to magically get itself set up, complete with thought-provoking photos to accompany the posts I haven’t yet written because of my perfectionism. It’s not going to write the blog posts itself. I won’t one day sign in and find that all the widgets I want are exactly how I want them. Nope. There is no Magic Blogging Godmother who will wave a wand and make things perfect.
One thing I have been (somewhat legitimately) waiting for is my own laptop. Right now I either write from our home desktop (where I have to fend off my children who are waiting for a turn of their own on the computer, and where my husband pops in every few minutes to find out when I will be rejoining him in the living room because he misses me – it’s hard to form a coherent thought under those circumstances, much less a thoughtful post) or from my computer at work, which is a no-no. So for Christmas this year, I have bought myself a laptop. I’m not going to bring it out until Christmas Day, but once it’s opened and set up, that is one less excuse I’ll have for not blogging. I can sit in the living room with the rest of my people and still blog. I can have that thing of MY OWN, my creative outlet, and a means to satisfy it.
So if you read this blog, you can look for more posts, more often from me next year. Five Minute Friday will start up again, sure, but I have a story to tell that goes beyond FMF. Whether anyone reads it or not is not up to me – my job is to do what God’s telling me to do and say what He tells me to say. And I can’t wait to get started.
(Funny story: I started this post on December 8th and finished it on December 16. If that’s not a classic example of procrastination, then I don’t know what is. 🙂